Stress Free Mealtimes

Parents often find it extremely hard to stay calm when faced with fussy-eaters, children ‘yo-yo-ing’ up and down from the table, children getting distracted and eating very slowly, and whining complaints about the food they have lovingly prepared. To parents food and feeding their children represents a show of love, nurturing and commitment. They often have food-related concerns about their children’s weight and about their health. These concerns and frustrations can turn mealtimes into stressful and unpleasant events for all concerned.

Changing children’s attitude to food can take a long time so don’t expect immediate results. Persevering really pays off so follow the steps below and find out for yourself.

  • Get as much as possible prepared ahead of time so that you can sit with your child(ren) during the meal. Eat together as often as possible. Let them see you enjoy your food.
  • Get the children involved in some of the preparation and let them experience, as well as talking to them about, textures, colour and smells. Have them taste the raw ingredients and discuss their likes and dislikes (without judgement).
  • Look at recipe books with them and discuss the different recipes.
  • Decide what rules you want for the table and write them down (or have them in picture form). Things like ‘Sit with your bottom on the chair;’ ‘Leave toys behind’; ‘Taste food even if you think you won’t like it’; ‘Eat with a fork and spoon/knife’; ‘Keep your plate in front of you; ‘Say please and thank you’ or ‘Ask to get down from the table’. Use a tick-chart to acknowledge them for the rules they are following. Ask your child what the rules are before the meal.
  • Praise even the tiniest steps in the right direction: ‘You came and sat down and the four legs of your chair are on the floor’, ‘You didn’t say ‘yuk’, even though this isn’t your favourite food’, ‘you put your fork in a carrot – that’s a brave start!’
  • Give quite small portions to start
  • If you have children who push the vegetables aside then make the vegetables a first-course that either has to be tried or finished (depending on your rules) before the next course comes along.
  • If your child doesn’t like a food, don’t give up. You might need to present it to them quite a number of times before they feel brave enough to try the food or before they decide they actually like it.
  • If you feel yourself getting wound up by your child’s behaviour remember they have not yet learnt the behaviour you want from them and walk away for a minute or two or take some deep breaths.
  • Give a variety of foods during a meal.
  • Above all aim to make mealtimes pleasant with some nice background music, lots of praise and interesting conversation to take the focus away from negative behaviour.
  • Reward good behaviour during mealtimes with a game or story or other non-material, non-food reward immediately afterwards. If you offer sweet things as a reward children will regard these as the treat and other foods as something to be endured rather than something pleasurable in their own right.

To speak with Elaine for individual expert advice on child behaviour call her on 0905 675 4616 (calls charged at £1.53/min from BT lines, other networks may vary) or view her profile.

View the full list of experts who can offer advice on child behaviour.

Useful links from external sites

CBeebies Grown Up Support, Why won’t toddlers eat their greens?

CBeebies Grown Up Support, Happy family mealtimes

Written by

Elaine Halligan
Parenting Facilitator

A parenting expert, speaker and coach with The Parent Practice, Elaine supports parents by teaching practical skills and strategies to enable parents to handle family life in a productive and positive way.